the ham and asparagus
by jaderoni4life
Summary: this is a love story between and ham, asparagus, nuggets and a whole bunch of other charaters


There sat the lonely ham Humphrey who just wanted a friend. He sat alone on the park bench after being made homeless by a flood and parentless by a fork about 3 months ago. He had such a great life two parents who loved him and showered him with everything. A home that was to die for but was lost in a flood of honey, nothing was able to be salvaged. He lost everything he ever loved in a matter of minutes. His neighbor Nug the Nugget absolutely hated Humphrey the ham because he had everything that Nug himself wanted. Now Nug had nothing to be jealous of because he now has everything. The next day in school Nug stands on top of the lunch table and shouts

"I Nug have everything that the ham does not".

" what's wrong with you" shouts Aphrodite the asparagus as she pulls Nug down and gives him a swift kiss to get him quiet just as Humphrey passes by, unaware of what Nug had just said. Aphrodite who used to be Humphreys girlfriend, feels bad that he has no friends but doesn't want to be made fun of either. She left Humphrey still in love with him for Nug.

Humphrey and Aphrodite glance at each other with a long slow gaze, but gets obstructed by a very mean potato. Perry the potato came and sat right between her and Nug, he reached over and gives Nug a Nuggie and when Aphrodite asks him to stop he simply says no and pushes her off the lunch bench. She falls on the ground while Nug and Perry laugh but Humphrey gets up in a motion signaling he's about to help her but instead leaves the cafeteria for the sake of Aphrodite's feelings.

Aphrodite runs home in embarrassment because her own boyfriend couldn't help her where Humphrey would have. When she gets in the door her mom stands there confused looking at her daughter with tears in her eyes.

"what's wrong Hun"

"Nothing mom I'm fine just leave me alone"

"Okay just know I'm always here for you"

She slams the door to her room and locks it, she goes through her photo album and cries at the pictures of her and Humphrey she's wants to leave Nug, she didn't love him ever she was just pressured to go with him. Her mom after an hour comes up to her room and knocks, a very cheerful daughter opens the door.

"Can we sit down and talk" Asks Aphrodite

"Of course sug" says her mom and she closes the door so papa doesn't hear

"Mom I think I'm a whore"

"What?! Whatever gave you that idea?"

"Well I was pressured in to breaking up with the greatest guy because he lost his house and parents, people would throw things at us and after getting fed up we said finally broke it off to save one other"

"How would that make you a whore then" asks her mother in a confused like state

"well this guy Nug after he found out was constantly around me and tried to kiss me every day, so I said yes to going out with him so he would stop being a bother but he still is"

"well I see how you don't want people to throw things at you but if you love him go back or even break up with nag and sit by yourself, if your friends leave oh well at least you have yourself.

"Thanks mom I'll keep that in mind I think I `ma break up with Nug and just be by myself"

"That's my girl now go on get back to school I call and tell them you had a doctor's appointment and didn't know who to tell since it was lunch" Aphrodite got up and grabbed her backpack again, and went off to school with a smile on her face. She made it just in time for 6th period missing fifth for a "doctor's appointment" with a pissed and puzzled look Nug looks over and says

"Where the hell were you I didn't get to eyeball you in 5th today?"

With a scoff "none of your business it's not liked you would care anyways"

"Excuse me" said Nug

"you heard me were going to talk after class since we don't have a 7th period" Humphrey smiled a little because he knew what was coming for he heard the same thing just in a nicer voice for him, he planned to listen to their conversation and maybe walk her home.

"Fine then I'll talk to you "

The teacher who hears the whispering says enough no more talking listen to the lecture. But Aphrodite didn't listen to the math lecture instead she made up a plan on how to break-up with Nug and still keep her friends. Finally the bell for 6th period to be done rings and Aphrodite and Nug are the first ones to leave followed by a very happy Humphrey. They go to the space between the stairs and Aphrodite says

"You're a sloppy, no caring pig and I don't want to date you anymore"  
"you can't break up with me I'm the source of your popularity "

"I don't care you are an ass hole okay I'd rather still be dating Humphrey then dating you"

With a swift slap to the face "Nug yells at her try that again and I'll kill you you're not going to leave me babe you wouldn't dare"

"I am too to can beat me to oblivion I'm tired of being your punching bag"

With another slap on the other side "he says yea right now go home babe and get sexy cause tonight were going out"

A pissed Humphrey goes to his locker to get his stuff and then runs to catch up to an upset Aphrodite she covers her face and says

"Hi"

"I saw what happened, it is okay i understand why you left now" as Humphrey runs ahead to save her from worse embarrassment but looks back and smiles.

She smiles back wanting to mouth I need you but her mouth hurts from the slaps it took a lot just to say hi to him. She stops in the nearest gas station and uses her makeup to cover-up the bruises Nug gave her. Aphrodite sighs ever since that abusive person came into her life her allowance goes into buying makeup. She walks out of the bathroom and buys a sprite so the manager doesn't get mad. It hurts to drink it but she takes a nice long gulp anyways. She goes home and finds her mom went to the store for food again. Thankful she walks in and goes to her room and contemplates what to do if she doesn't go on the date hell beat her tomorrow for sure but if she does she might be subjected to attempted sexual ways brought on by Nug.


End file.
